16) It’s time
Well, I am writing this 3 weeks after I gave birth to a beautiful little girl weighing 7lb 7oz (although we were told 8lbs 2oz at the time, a miscalculation).
We went to a midwife appointment on Monday 5th March, it was a routine check-up and discussion about inducing labour. When we got there, all was fine, talking about how close we are and how good a pregnancy I have had until they took my blood pressure. It was extremely high. Three midwives all looked at each other and one said ‘oh Helen, you were doing so well…’ I didn’t know what this meant. They decided to hear baby’s heartbeat and see if my blood pressure went down. They asked if I’d got here in a rush, I said no, I was quite relaxed. They took some blood and checked my wee and all was fine. They then took my blood pressure again, it had risen. I must admit they didn’t exactly calm me down.
Then one midwife rang and booked an inducing session for 17th March, then a Scottish midwife (who I would get to know pretty well over the next few weeks) explained what was going to happen. I was to go to the hospital and get my blood pressure checked every 15 minutes, depending on the results I may be kept in and induced the next morning or sent home and be induced on 17th unless baby came naturally before then.
Nick and I left the room feeling quite bedazzled. Oh my god, this is actually happening now, we may have a baby soon! We got straight on our phones texting people the news that we were going to hospital for a check-up. We had a poker game that night so we text them saying we will make it 8pm not 7pm as we may be a bit late, we naturally assumed I would be sent home.
We got to the hospital and walked the long walk to the maternity ward. They sent us to war 32 where women are having problems before labour. It was small and stuffy and it seemed an age before we were seen. I was strapped up and my blood pressure and baby heartbeat were monitored for an hour. The next bit seems a blur. We were there for hours but not much happened.
Finally a doctor saw us and explained very quickly that I would be induced the next morning. I said ‘so what time shall I come in?’ and she replied, ‘you will be staying here overnight’ Nick and I were thinking the same thing- its time. We had so much to do, this wasn’t how I planned it. I thought my waters would break, I would ring Nick and we’d go to the hospital with bag and all.
Nick had to go home and get all the stuff, feed the cats, get last minute bits and tell everyone what was happening. In the meantime I was sent to my bed in ward 31. I met a lovely lady there who was having her 5th child and getting a caesarean the next day. We were both feeling nerves and chatted until midnight. Nick came back with supplies, it was horrible saying goodbye to him and being along in this strange place. I looked down at my bump and tried to believe what was happening. I was too overwhelmed to be scared.
I had almost no sleep, 2 women came in with their new borns at 5am and the lady across the room from me went to have her caesarean at 6am. Nick came in at 8am and we waited until 1pm before we were sent back to ward 31 to be induced. I had a vaginal exam which really hurt and then they put this gel inside to spark labour. About 5 minutes after it was in I had pains. Deep pains low in my abdomen, like period pains. They felt achey and gradually got worse.
Hours went by, meals came and went (I ate some but as they got worse, the smell made me heave) We tried to relax, chatted, watched friends episodes and my best friend popped in to see me. Eventually I couldn’t sit still and had to rock up and down or walk around the ward. At one point I walked around the toilet for 30 mins trying to forget the constant pain. It was in short spells, it was constant. I asked Nick to get the midwife and ask if it was normal, she said it meant the gel was working. I didn’t know for sure if I was feeling contractions or not. I found out later that when you are induced the pain comes hard and fast and doesn’t build up slowly like a natural birth. I was given Codine, a strong pain killer that did nothing. About 9pm we were sent down to the labour ward as I was 3cm dilated. I was gutted to be only 3 centimetres! What torture did I have coming?
My mum then came and joined us, we were in a room with a bathroom and bed, lots of equipment around. I was feeling nervous and excited that things were moving on. I was told the midwife would break my waters for me.
In came Michelle. A large black woman who seemed very cold. She didn’t say a word and started filling in paperwork, so Nick, mum and I made small talk. They checked baby’s heartbeat again and my blood pressure. A few more hors went by and the pains were still there, I didn’t realise how much worse they were about to get! Then came the decision to send Nick home for a few hours, as I was still only 3cm. Between the hours of 11 and 3am I had the worst experience in my entire life, and Nick was asleep at home. Michelle, mum and I formed this bond that I am sure many women and their midwives form. The time came to break my waters. I must be quite sensitive; as Michelle reached in she sent a hook up to break them. It was excruciating. I shouted ‘hurry up!’ but she said I wasn’t keeping still enough for her to do it. It felt likes an age, I was squeezing my mums hand so much. Finally a warm flow of water gushed out and I felt instant relief. I was yet to know the pain I was in for…
As soon as those waters broke, contractions were 10 times more painful, still like period pains, down low in my stomach with no gaps in between. Every book, tv programme and film tells you they come every 5 minutes and last 1 minutes, like hell! As soon as one finished, another roared up again. Michelle offered my gas and air, which I tried but it made my mouth so dry. The she gave me Pethidine which made me so drowsy. I had a contraction, fell asleep for 10 seconds then had another. I remember my mum saying to the midwife that they are coming very often, not breaks in between. I thanked her in my head for recognising this and trying to get something done for the pain. I was exhausted as the time rolled to 3am. I puked green vomit everywhere, muttered, swore and slept, I was like the girl from the exorcist. Then in my half open eyes I see Michelle standing over me. She said ‘I think we should talk about an epidural.’ I said ok, collapsing on the bed. The next think I know a doctor comes in, speaks very fast but clearly about what it does, and side effects. I think had to sign something, but I am not sure…
It was scary, I could sit still because of the pains, I was writhing in the bed, they made me sit up and arch my back like a cat. As another contraction was coming I started to move, suddenly Michelle and the doctor shouted at me ‘keep still!’ I was scared, I remembered horror stories of people becoming paralysed where the gigantic needle has hit a nerve rendering them paralysed. I froze and stared at the floor, I concentrated so hard and then suddenly I felt a wave a warmth flow through my lower back. I was numb. It was heaven. After 10 minutes my contractions felt like small aches that could be ignored with distraction, utter bliss. I lay on the bed and chatted to Michelle and my mum, laughing about my euphoric state compared to how I was not an hour ago. Michelle commented ‘now you like me, before you hated me’ so true.
Nick came through the door and we told him all of the action he had missed. Before we knew it, I was being checked again to see how far I was dilated…9cm! We were told in 1 hour I would be ready to push. I felt many feelings, excitement, nerves, pride, happiness and relief. I was amazed that this massive duty of mine was nearly over, I could see the finish line.
But… Michelle then noticed something different with the baby’s heart rate. Although mine was now fine, the baby’s was high, it was not happy. She called in a doctor to confirm her worries. The doctor did an exam on me, and tested the oxygen levels on the baby’s head. My mum took a peek and said she could see lots of hair. Nick decided not to look. It was strange, I could the worried looks on Michelle and the doctors’ faces but because the pain was gone, I still felt quite relaxed. The doctor then said I need to have a forceps delivery. I agreed, as I have done with all of their requests and still felt quite relaxed. Then she said that I will be needed to be taken to operating theatre room in case a caesarean is needed. Then I had t choose Nick to come with me, and mum had to wait in the room alone.
I was wheeled off. The room was just like on T.V., big lights, people in scrubs, strangers introduced themselves to me, lifted me from bed to bed, hoisted my legs up, read out dangers and risks to me and made me a sign a yellow bit of paper. Then Nick appeared in scrubs and was told to hold my hand. The last time someone said to hold my hand it was because of the sheer pain I was about to feel and how much I would need to squeeze. Thankfully, I felt no pain. I was suddenly told to push. My chin was pushed down in chest as requested and I pushed twice with all my might, I couldn’t feel anything from my armpits down. A man has sprayed a cold spray on me and asked if I could feel it until I couldn’t, I was completely anesthetised.
The doctor asked if Nick would like to see the head, this time he said yes. He had a look then held my hand. The doctor looked worried. Suddenly they said the baby was out. Nick took a look and then told me it was a girl. I couldn’t believe it was a girl, I was sure it was a boy so I asked him to check. He assured me that I had given birth to a baby girl. I was so happy. Looking back, I think I would’ve felt happier if I wasn’t so drugged up. At this point, I hadn’t heard her cry yet. I asked Nick if she was alright, he said yes but at this time they were pumping her with oxygen, the umbilical cord was around her neck. About a minute later I heard a cry. Midwives and doctors all cooed over her saying how long she was. They gave her to me all wrapped up. As I looked down the doctor was sewing me up, blood everywhere. Nick left to tell my mum the news and he returned. I was so sure I wanted to call her Jessica. Nick said ‘she doesn’t look like a Jessica, I think she looks like an Isabelle.’ At first I was gutted he wanted to change the name I loved for so long, but it was true, she didn’t look like a Jessica. Nick actually looked so proud of his little girl he had a tear. We decided after a good chat about calling our first baby daughter Isabella. I had reservations because of popular vampire film out with the main character called Isabella but it was such a pretty name that really suited her, we went for it.
I was then told of how I needed to be cut down below and how I would need to do lots of pelvic floor exercises daily. Still at this point, I couldn’t feel a thing, so didn’t care. I was wheeled back to my mum with Isabella in my arms. Nick and I text and range everyone we knew. It took a while to sink in what we had achieved and that I was now a mum. Nick fed me tea and toast, my first meal for over 24 hours. Everyone says how good it is, it really was!
I was shattered. I was eventually wheeled up to my ward with baby Isabella next to me in a cot and we both slept. She has cuts over her head where the forceps had scratched her, but she was beautiful, and she was mine. A girl. Wow.
The next couple of days consisted of naps, nappy changing, cuddles, LOTS of visitors, my first shower and breast feeding. The visitors tired me out so much but it was great to show off our baby girl. I told stories of the labour and joked how no one told me how horrific it would be and how I didn’t cope at all! I had all the drugs possible.
The first night alone was scary, Nick stayed as late as possible. I spent the hours watching friends, changing bloody pads, getting my stitches inspected by everyone, taking a cocktail of pills and chatting to the lady I met on the first night. We swapped stories and cooed over each others babies. Luckily Isabella slept all of the time but the midwives told me I must wake her to feed her every 3 hours. Little did I know the next adventure I was touching upon… breast feeding!
I was slowly getting used to the breast feeding regime (little did I know at the time I still had A LOT to learn) and was finally allowed home on Friday 9th March. I went into hospital Monday 5th, induced Tuesday 6th, gave birth Wednesday 7th 5.50am and took my baby girl home Friday 9th March. What a week. The first night was so hard, I had no sleep all week and wasn’t prepared at all not to sleep for the next week too! I took a photo of myself to look back on one day, HUGE bags under my eyes with hair a mess and not washed for days. Typing this now, I actually look the same, but one day I will look back when I have had more than 4 hours sleep a night and laugh at my perfect zombie look.
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