It’s time

16) It’s time

Well, I am writing this 3 weeks after I gave birth to a beautiful little girl weighing 7lb 7oz (although we were told 8lbs 2oz at the time, a miscalculation).

We went to a midwife appointment on Monday 5^th March, it was a routine check-up and discussion about inducing labour. When we got there, all was fine, talking about how close we are and how good a pregnancy I have had until they took my blood pressure. It was extremely high. Three midwives all looked at each other and one said ‘oh Helen, you were doing so well…’ I didn’t know what this meant. They decided to hear baby’s heartbeat and see if my blood pressure went down. They asked if I’d got here in a rush, I said no, I was quite relaxed. They took some blood and checked my wee and all was fine. They then took my blood pressure again, it had risen. I must admit they didn’t exactly calm me down.

Then one midwife rang and booked an inducing session for 17^th March, then a Scottish midwife (who I would get to know pretty well over the next few weeks) explained what was going to happen. I was to go to the hospital and get my blood pressure checked every 15 minutes, depending on the results I may be kept in and induced the next morning or sent home and be induced on 17^th unless baby came naturally before then.

Nick and I left the room feeling quite bedazzled. Oh my god, this is actually happening now, we may have a baby soon! We got straight on our phones texting people the news that we were going to hospital for a check-up. We had a poker game that night so we text them saying we will make it 8pm not 7pm as we may be a bit late, we naturally assumed I would be sent home.

We got to the hospital and walked the long walk to the maternity ward. They sent us to war 32 where women are having problems before labour. It was small and stuffy and it seemed an age before we were seen. I was strapped up and my blood pressure and baby heartbeat were monitored for an hour. The next bit seems a blur. We were there for hours but not much happened.

 Finally a doctor saw us and explained very quickly that I would be induced the next morning. I said ‘so what time shall I come in?’ and she replied, ‘you will be staying here overnight’ Nick and  I were thinking the same thing- its time. We had so much to do, this wasn’t how I planned it. I thought my waters would break, I would ring Nick and we’d go to the hospital with bag and all.

Nick had to go home and get all the stuff, feed the cats, get last minute bits and tell everyone what was happening. In the meantime I was sent to my bed in ward 31. I met a lovely lady there who was having her 5^th child and getting a caesarean the next day. We were both feeling nerves and chatted until midnight. Nick came back with supplies, it was horrible saying goodbye to him and being along in this strange place. I looked down at my bump and tried to believe what was happening. I was too overwhelmed to be scared.

I had almost no sleep, 2 women came in with their new borns at 5am and the lady across the room from me went to have her caesarean at 6am. Nick came in at 8am and we waited until 1pm before we were sent back to ward 31 to be induced. I had a vaginal exam which really hurt and then they put this gel inside to spark labour. About 5 minutes after it was in I had pains. Deep pains low in my abdomen, like period pains. They felt achey and gradually got worse.

Hours went by, meals came and went (I ate some but as they got worse, the smell made me heave) We tried to relax, chatted, watched friends episodes and my best friend popped in to see me. Eventually I couldn’t sit still and had to rock up and down or walk around the ward. At one point I walked around the toilet for 30 mins trying to forget the constant pain. It was in short spells, it was constant. I asked Nick to get the midwife and ask if it was normal, she said it meant the gel was working. I didn’t know for sure if I was feeling contractions or not. I found out later that when you are induced the pain comes hard and fast and doesn’t build up slowly like a natural birth. I was given Codine, a strong pain killer that did nothing.  About 9pm we were sent down to the labour ward as I was 3cm dilated. I was gutted to be only 3 centimetres! What torture did I have coming?

My mum then came and joined us, we were in a room with a bathroom and bed, lots of equipment around. I was feeling nervous and excited that things were moving on. I was told the midwife would break my waters for me.

In came Michelle. A large black woman who seemed very cold. She didn’t say a word and started filling in paperwork, so Nick, mum and I made small talk. They checked baby’s heartbeat again and my blood pressure. A few more hors went by and the pains were still there, I didn’t realise how much worse they were about to get! Then came the decision to send Nick home for a few hours, as I was still only 3cm. Between the hours of 11 and 3am I had the worst experience in my entire life, and Nick was asleep at home. Michelle, mum and I formed this bond that I am sure many women and their midwives form. The time came to break my waters. I must be quite sensitive; as Michelle reached in she sent a hook up to break them. It was excruciating. I shouted ‘hurry up!’ but she said I wasn’t keeping still enough for her to do it. It felt likes an age, I was squeezing my mums hand so much. Finally a warm flow of water gushed out and I felt instant relief. I was yet to know the pain I was in for…

As soon as those waters broke, contractions were 10 times more painful, still like period pains, down low in my stomach with no gaps in between. Every book, tv programme and film tells you they come every 5 minutes and last 1 minutes, like hell! As soon as one finished, another roared up again. Michelle offered my gas and air, which I tried but it made my mouth so dry. The she gave me Pethidine which made me so drowsy. I had a contraction, fell asleep for 10 seconds then had another. I remember my mum saying to the midwife that they are coming very often, not breaks in between. I thanked her in my head for recognising this and trying to get something done for the pain. I was exhausted as the time rolled to 3am. I puked green vomit everywhere, muttered, swore and slept, I was like the girl from the exorcist. Then in my half open eyes I see Michelle standing over me. She said ‘I think we should talk about an epidural.’ I said ok, collapsing on the bed. The next think I know a doctor comes in, speaks very fast but clearly about what it does, and side effects. I think had to sign something, but I am not sure…

It was scary, I could sit still because of the pains, I was writhing in the bed, they made me sit up and arch my back like a cat. As another contraction was coming I started to move, suddenly Michelle and the doctor shouted at me ‘keep still!’ I was scared, I remembered horror stories of people becoming paralysed where the gigantic needle has hit a nerve rendering them paralysed. I froze and stared at the floor, I concentrated so hard and then suddenly I felt a wave a warmth flow through my lower back. I was numb. It was heaven. After 10 minutes my contractions felt like small aches that could be ignored with distraction, utter bliss. I lay on the bed and chatted to Michelle and my mum, laughing about my euphoric state compared to how I was not an hour ago. Michelle commented ‘now you like me, before you hated me’ so true.

Nick came through the door and we told him all of the action he had missed. Before we knew it, I was being checked again to see how far I was dilated…9cm! We were told in 1 hour I would be ready to push. I felt many feelings, excitement, nerves, pride, happiness and relief. I was amazed that this massive duty of mine was nearly over, I could see the finish line.

But… Michelle then noticed something different with the baby’s heart rate. Although mine was now fine, the baby’s was high, it was not happy. She called in a doctor to confirm her worries. The doctor did an exam on me, and tested the oxygen levels on the baby’s head. My mum took a peek and said she could see lots of hair. Nick decided not to look. It was strange, I could the worried looks on Michelle and the doctors’ faces but because the pain was gone, I still felt quite relaxed. The doctor then said I need to have a forceps delivery. I agreed, as I have done with all of their requests and still felt quite relaxed. Then she said that I will be needed to be taken to operating theatre room in case a caesarean is needed. Then I had t choose Nick to come with me, and mum had to wait in the room alone.

I was wheeled off. The room was just like on T.V., big lights, people in scrubs, strangers introduced themselves to me, lifted me from bed to bed, hoisted my legs up, read out dangers and risks to me and made me a sign a yellow bit of paper. Then Nick appeared in scrubs and was told to hold my hand. The last time someone said to hold my hand it was because of the sheer pain I was about to feel and how much I would need to squeeze. Thankfully, I felt no pain. I was suddenly told to push. My chin was pushed down in chest as requested and I pushed twice with all my might, I couldn’t feel anything from my armpits down. A man has sprayed a cold spray on me and asked if I could feel it until I couldn’t, I was completely anesthetised.

The doctor asked if Nick would like to see the head, this time he said yes. He had a look then held my hand. The doctor looked worried. Suddenly they said the baby was out. Nick took a look and then told me it was a girl. I couldn’t believe it was a girl, I was sure it was a boy so I asked him to check. He assured me that I had given birth to a baby girl. I was so happy. Looking back, I think I would’ve felt happier if I wasn’t so drugged up. At this point, I hadn’t heard her cry yet. I asked Nick if she was alright, he said yes but at this time they were pumping her with oxygen, the umbilical cord was around her neck. About a minute later I heard a cry. Midwives and doctors all cooed over her saying how long she was. They gave her to me all wrapped up. As I looked down the doctor was sewing me up, blood everywhere. Nick left to tell my mum the news and he returned. I was so sure I wanted to call her Jessica. Nick said ‘she doesn’t look like a Jessica, I think she looks like an Isabelle.’ At first I was gutted he wanted to change the name I loved for so long, but it was true, she didn’t look like a Jessica. Nick actually looked so proud of his little girl he had a tear. We decided after a good chat about calling our first baby daughter Isabella. I had reservations because of popular vampire film out with the main character called Isabella but it was such a pretty name that really suited her, we went for it.

I was then told of how I needed to be cut down below and how I would need to do lots of pelvic floor exercises daily. Still at this point, I couldn’t feel a thing, so didn’t care. I was wheeled back to my mum with Isabella in my arms. Nick and I text and range everyone we knew. It took a while to sink in what we had achieved and that I was now a mum.  Nick fed me tea and toast, my first meal for over 24 hours. Everyone says how good it is, it really was!

I was shattered. I was eventually wheeled up to my ward with baby Isabella next to me in a cot and we both slept. She has cuts over her head where the forceps had scratched her, but she was beautiful, and she was mine. A girl. Wow.

The next couple of days consisted of naps, nappy changing, cuddles, LOTS of visitors, my first shower and breast feeding. The visitors tired me out so much but it was great to show off our baby girl. I told stories of the labour and joked how no one told me how horrific it would be and how I didn’t cope at all! I had all the drugs possible.

The first night alone was scary, Nick stayed as late as possible. I spent the hours watching friends, changing bloody pads, getting my stitches inspected by everyone, taking a cocktail of pills and chatting to the lady I met on the first night. We swapped stories and cooed over each others babies. Luckily Isabella slept all of the time but the midwives told me I must wake her to feed her every 3 hours.  Little did I know the next adventure I was touching upon… breast feeding!  

I was slowly getting used to the breast feeding regime (little did I know at the time I still had A LOT to learn) and was finally allowed home on Friday 9^th March. I went into hospital Monday 5^th, induced Tuesday 6^th, gave birth Wednesday 7^th 5.50am and took my baby girl home Friday 9^th March. What a week. The first night was so hard, I had no sleep all week and wasn’t prepared at all not to sleep for the next week too! I took a photo of myself to look back on one day, HUGE bags under my eyes with hair a mess and not washed for days. Typing this now, I actually look the same, but one day I will look back when I have had more than 4 hours sleep a night and laugh at my perfect zombie look.

Finishing line

 I am now writing this at 8 months 3 weeks and 5 days or 40 weeks 5 days. I am due to give birth in 2 days! Baby is kicking like mad, it feels like he/she has run out of room! I am feeling ok, despite not being able to get up from chairs very elegantly, my walk is now officially a waddle, I am weeing whatever I drink as soon as I drink it and my weight gain has tripled in the last 3 weeks. My face, arms and thighs are so round and flabby I feel so unattractive. Nick has been good at telling me that I look glowing, but even he couldn’t resist telling me how fat my ankles looked the other day! Then I realised my rings are a bit tight too, I have hit the ‘swollen’ phase. I read that most of it is water retention; I really hope so, because if it’s fat then I have some work to do when baby is out! Everyone around me is buzzing with excitement.

Although I was exhausted a week ago, I still can’t help but go into overdrive and get jobs done. I mowed the lawn the other day, hovered the stairs and still couldn’t resist the ironing! People can’t believe I am up and about, walking into town and getting things done, it’s just in me to keep busy. At night, I stay pretty much glued to the couch, mainly because it is such a chore to get up but also because my body is saying ‘for god’s sake have a rest!’ Everyone is asking if I am ready. I think to myself, the room is ready, I have everything I need but mentally, am I ready for this? I am not so sure! Everyone says once you see your baby you fall in love and you know just what to do. I am worried that this won’t happen to me. I have been told however that these feelings are normal. What if I get bored of looking after it? What if I need help but won’t admit it or accept it? I am a very stubborn and independent person, which can defiantly be a flaw! I also feel sad that it won’t just be Nick and I anymore; will this baby ruin our wonderful relationship? Will it cause us to argue and bicker over the smallest things that turn into major things? Or on the other hand, will it bring us closer together, as a family, will he come home from work more to see us and spend time with us?

I have a midwife appointment today and they said they will talk about ‘sweeping’ and encouraging labour. This got me worrying about something else. I have accepted that labour will be painful, and I am ready for it, but what if this baby kills me? What if I die giving birth? I try and imagine looking into my baby’s eyes after giving birth and feeling this overwhelmingly amazing feeling of love for it, I just pray this happens and Nick is by my side feeling the same.

Nesting

 At 36 weeks I took my maternity leave. My workplace arranged a lovely baby shower and I was overwhelmed with gifts and vouchers- which I have already spent! My first day off was very hard. I had lots of apprehensions on whether it is me or not to have so much time to myself, it’s not what I am used to, I like to be busy etc. Those feelings have slowly faded as I filled my days with outings and coffee visits. My best friend has been great, arranging lunches and things to do together on her days off. I have also rediscovered my need for cleaning and have cleaned so much of the house I have never even looked at before i.e. cobwebs in corners, skirting boards and kitchen cupboard doors! Apparently this is called the ‘nesting’ phase. I call it ‘get these jobs done because you won’t have time soon’ phase. It is very satisfying and I am feeling very house proud.

Antenatal and shopping

I am 34 weeks and had a couple of antenatal classes now. There are only 3, breast feeding, pain and labour, hospital tour- that’s it! So if you need to ask questions then this is the time to do it! I was disappointed with the way it was set up because everyone says you can meet lots of different women and make good friends in these classes but everyone was with their partners and it was more formal- midwife talks, you listen and ask questions at the end. Despite this, they were actually very good.

 I learnt a lot about breast feeding and felt more prepared afterwards.  I stayed behind to ask questions too. I didn’t know the baby’s stomach was so small and formula food can be harder for baby to digest, making it more uncomfortable. They promoted ‘’breast’ to no end and almost made you feel bad if you had no intentions on breast feeding. Breast feeding reduces the risk of cancer, helps you lose weight, cheaper, more convenient, the baby is stronger, healthier and you both bond well together. I also didn’t know that it is recommended that you breast feed for up to 2 years! I think this means mixing breast milk and solid feeds together.

 I do think it is amazing that for as long as you breast feed the milk keeps on producing. It is hard to get the baby to ‘latch’ but we were given some great tips and what I did like hearing was ‘every woman can do it’ unless there is a medical reason. I take it as a challenge to breast feed. I was most shocked to hear that I can get milk out of my breasts now! Of course that night I went and tried it, low and behold after some squeezing and massaging the clear liquid of ‘colostrum’ seeped out in very small droplets! This is a miracle liquid that provides the new born with every bit of nutrition it needs. It is what comes out at first before milk.

Nick and I went shopping for lots of ‘necessities’ in January. Over the last 4 months we spent at least £1500! That much, despite being given lots of things like clothes, a cot and moses basket! Things like breast pumps are £70+ if you want an electric one which is recommended by friends. Blankets, muslins, bottles, nappies, chest of drawers, rug, pram, pram bag, bouncer, toys etc all cost so much money I have learnt to avoid baby shops now and go to cheaper shops like Asda and Wilkinsons for cheap but good items like baby towels and cosmetics.  The baby room is done and looks great, the cats have had a good nose around and will have a shock when there is actually someone in there. We plan to have the moses basket in our room for about 6 months, we have bought a cat net to stop them getting near the baby when it sleeps. It is so weird to think there will be a baby in there soon!

Away in a Manger

It is Christmas season and I am 29 weeks pregnant. Although this is a busy time at work I have felt ok. The bump is growing and the more obvious it’s getting the more attention I get. It helps working with women as they are all genuinely interested in how I am getting on. They all enjoy sharing their own stories as well. I have been given a lot of tips which I am sure I will forget! There was one day I felt extremely hot and almost fainted; I have never fainted before in my life. I saw black dots and needed to sit down. It was then I realised that I can’t just carry on my merry way, I do have to relax and take it easy, despite it going against who I am. Nick and I joke that I am a ‘doer’ and just can’t sit and do nothing.

Christmas has been ok to get through, although I have missed drinking wine with good food and New Year ’s Eve wasn’t as exciting as it usually is when you have had a tipple but it was still fun. We expected to get lots of baby gifts or gift vouchers but we didn’t get any! This meant we needed to go baby shopping asap in January to hit the sales.

Symptoms start...

 I am now 26 weeks pregnant and all is smooth sailing! I could feel baby kicking very slightly a few weeks ago and Nick could barely feel it but now when he/she moves you can see my belly move, sometimes like a snake like he/she is rolling over and sometimes a hard kick. It doesn’t hurt, I really enjoy feeling that he/she is communicating somehow. He/she always kicks when lay in bed after a hard day of constantly moving. I have read that this is a likely time to feel him/her as you are relaxed and the moving around in the day rocks the baby to sleep and when you stop it wakes up. The only side effects I’m having are heart burn, weight gain and some mood swings. Things were getting stressful with my pets and things seem to be piling at work so I have had some mood swings at home. Things that I have had more tolerance with i.e. washing up, general chores etc I have been less patient with. I have heard the heart beat a few times and have tried to book antenatal classes but had no luck so far. I just realised I am now in my third trimester as well! Eek! Where did the second trimester go?